Aha... the joys of parenting....

Since I do not currently have children but am a child development major, I paid close attention to last weeks lesson. Parenting is just one of those titles where you can't get any better than this. The purpose of parenting are to guide, teach, and to bring the Godhead in when raising children. You are to protect and prepare them to survive and thrive in the world they live in. I also found that very interesting on the fact that the more control you have on your children, the less influence you actually have on them. I've experienced that first hand of how permissive or how authoritarian- like a parent can be. It is hard to be able to relate sometimes to family because they either were too soft or too rough when it came to having set boundaries and being consistent or being like a brick wall and letting nothing go through. That is why it is best to be an active parent because these are the types of parents that show warmth and confidence in themselves as well as their children. My favorite part was at the end when Brother Williams asked what God's full time job was. He's a full time parent. That's wonderful. And we should want to be and strive to be that active and ideally authoritative parent. You know you have succeeded and done well when your children have.

Work and Finances

Dough, cheese, mulah, cash... what ever you want to call it, it has influenced and changed the way the family functions, especially in the last 200 years. It is so important that the father is in the home. It is a wonderful and noble thing when he is out providing for the family, but he should be there and involved as well. It is interesting to see how many more working mothers there are now. Is there really a higher demand for them to do so? Do they just want to? What are the reasons and are the reasons valid enough to do these things? It is so hard for many people to work around 1 income because there is so much more you can do with 2 they believe. Unfortunately, what we learned in class is that the couple is actually losing money. It also made me happy to know that they calling of a mother and father is greater than prophet. There is always a bigger picture. Make plans to be debt free and to budget but be realistic as well. Money doesn't have to control or change the family.

Power and Influence

This is tricky because power and manipulation can be used in bad ways if you are not careful. It is best to be aware of what those real issues are and how we are wanting things done. Always ask yourself what are my choices? Rather than trying to "fix" we should except and encourage. People do change when they want to and on their own. Help is there to guide them if they need it. I thought that was so insightful about what the brotheren do each week and all that go into one meeting. It isn't a bad idea to model marriage issues and concerns after what they do. I loved the example between a compromise and a consenses. It helps me to be more in tune with what we are trying to accomplish. And the idea of after all is said and done to look forward to just love and appreciation towards the one you love most. Power and influence can always be used to help benefit others if we choose for it to do so.

Say what you mean, mean what you say

Communication! This, for whatever reason, has been deemed one of the hardest things in the human experience to do. I find this interesting because when truly focused and are prepared, we can communicate so well and so beautifully. I again, was not surprised when about half of the time the "non-verbal" is the thing to pay attention to. It's a fine line we dance on sometimes though because we don't know when and when not to, depending on the situations. I myself, talk more in a closer friend setting then I would in a public setting. But, when prompted, I am able to express myself fairly clearly. It doesn't stop there. Even if I am able to express myself, I have to know and understand how others are betraying how they feel and what their "language" is. It was nice to also learn that not all conflict is bad and when you are able to lay all your cards (both parties) on the table, it can be a wonderful time. Speak more! Plan what you are going to say! Let others know how you really feel, but do it in a way that you are still friends afterwards. And pay attention to the "bigger picture".

"Marriage is what brings us here today"

I was a little alarmed about the reasons why people were taking more time to get married. And I had to consider if they were valid reasons or not. I personally will be 25 next month and feel in many ways that I could be ready for that next chapter in my life, but there are many other factors to consider. Education is one, but it doesn't have to be. You always need to consider what and who these decisions are for. The cost of an average wedding did and didn't surprise me. I personally don't like money. I really wish in some ways that money didn't exist but rather we trades chickens or something and have it be like money. Anyway, money doesn't have to control you and can be used for positive things. The main thing is we keep in mind what is important and if we are dating wisely, we'll pay close attention to those things that can enhance or subtract from a great marriage.

Cohabiting... friends with benefits??

The week we did cohabitation was especially difficult for me. With the exception of myself, the rest of my family has cohabited at one point in time. Everything that was talked about seemed to hit home on at least one family member. My sister, in particular, is currently cohabiting with her boyfriend in Australia. Sure, he's a "nice guy" and treats her fine, but I want so much more for her... I think, looking at the four types of catagories in cohabitation, my sister goes between an alternative to marriage and a trial cohabitor. Even though she is not LDS, I figured that if she at least got married, it would be a step in the right direction. It is hard because our mother was/is similar to that and in many cases, children follow in their parents' footsteps. It has become a "norm" for people in my family and I (interestingly enough) am the "weird" one. It has been hard to relate to them on that level, but being here at school and actually being educated in these specific topics has educated and continued to reassure that I personally am making the right decisions.

Love, true love!

This was fun to learn about the specific 4 types of love. It is so true. You have to have all four for this love (true or consemmate) to work. And this love should be reserved specifically for you spouse. Have a love for people but not all four. For an eternal companion you should have friendly love, parent child type love, romantic and unconditional love. And be very careful because sometimes what you think is love, isn't. You could have intimacy but lack the passion and commitment. Likewise, you can just have commitment and lack passion and intimacy. Levels will change but it is so vital and important that we work on each one individually and make sure the other person knows (tell him or her at times), and show as well at appropriate times and situations. We must rise above what "animals" do. We are so much more than that. Choose who you love and love who you choose.