Aha... the joys of parenting....

Since I do not currently have children but am a child development major, I paid close attention to last weeks lesson. Parenting is just one of those titles where you can't get any better than this. The purpose of parenting are to guide, teach, and to bring the Godhead in when raising children. You are to protect and prepare them to survive and thrive in the world they live in. I also found that very interesting on the fact that the more control you have on your children, the less influence you actually have on them. I've experienced that first hand of how permissive or how authoritarian- like a parent can be. It is hard to be able to relate sometimes to family because they either were too soft or too rough when it came to having set boundaries and being consistent or being like a brick wall and letting nothing go through. That is why it is best to be an active parent because these are the types of parents that show warmth and confidence in themselves as well as their children. My favorite part was at the end when Brother Williams asked what God's full time job was. He's a full time parent. That's wonderful. And we should want to be and strive to be that active and ideally authoritative parent. You know you have succeeded and done well when your children have.

Work and Finances

Dough, cheese, mulah, cash... what ever you want to call it, it has influenced and changed the way the family functions, especially in the last 200 years. It is so important that the father is in the home. It is a wonderful and noble thing when he is out providing for the family, but he should be there and involved as well. It is interesting to see how many more working mothers there are now. Is there really a higher demand for them to do so? Do they just want to? What are the reasons and are the reasons valid enough to do these things? It is so hard for many people to work around 1 income because there is so much more you can do with 2 they believe. Unfortunately, what we learned in class is that the couple is actually losing money. It also made me happy to know that they calling of a mother and father is greater than prophet. There is always a bigger picture. Make plans to be debt free and to budget but be realistic as well. Money doesn't have to control or change the family.

Power and Influence

This is tricky because power and manipulation can be used in bad ways if you are not careful. It is best to be aware of what those real issues are and how we are wanting things done. Always ask yourself what are my choices? Rather than trying to "fix" we should except and encourage. People do change when they want to and on their own. Help is there to guide them if they need it. I thought that was so insightful about what the brotheren do each week and all that go into one meeting. It isn't a bad idea to model marriage issues and concerns after what they do. I loved the example between a compromise and a consenses. It helps me to be more in tune with what we are trying to accomplish. And the idea of after all is said and done to look forward to just love and appreciation towards the one you love most. Power and influence can always be used to help benefit others if we choose for it to do so.

Say what you mean, mean what you say

Communication! This, for whatever reason, has been deemed one of the hardest things in the human experience to do. I find this interesting because when truly focused and are prepared, we can communicate so well and so beautifully. I again, was not surprised when about half of the time the "non-verbal" is the thing to pay attention to. It's a fine line we dance on sometimes though because we don't know when and when not to, depending on the situations. I myself, talk more in a closer friend setting then I would in a public setting. But, when prompted, I am able to express myself fairly clearly. It doesn't stop there. Even if I am able to express myself, I have to know and understand how others are betraying how they feel and what their "language" is. It was nice to also learn that not all conflict is bad and when you are able to lay all your cards (both parties) on the table, it can be a wonderful time. Speak more! Plan what you are going to say! Let others know how you really feel, but do it in a way that you are still friends afterwards. And pay attention to the "bigger picture".

"Marriage is what brings us here today"

I was a little alarmed about the reasons why people were taking more time to get married. And I had to consider if they were valid reasons or not. I personally will be 25 next month and feel in many ways that I could be ready for that next chapter in my life, but there are many other factors to consider. Education is one, but it doesn't have to be. You always need to consider what and who these decisions are for. The cost of an average wedding did and didn't surprise me. I personally don't like money. I really wish in some ways that money didn't exist but rather we trades chickens or something and have it be like money. Anyway, money doesn't have to control you and can be used for positive things. The main thing is we keep in mind what is important and if we are dating wisely, we'll pay close attention to those things that can enhance or subtract from a great marriage.

Cohabiting... friends with benefits??

The week we did cohabitation was especially difficult for me. With the exception of myself, the rest of my family has cohabited at one point in time. Everything that was talked about seemed to hit home on at least one family member. My sister, in particular, is currently cohabiting with her boyfriend in Australia. Sure, he's a "nice guy" and treats her fine, but I want so much more for her... I think, looking at the four types of catagories in cohabitation, my sister goes between an alternative to marriage and a trial cohabitor. Even though she is not LDS, I figured that if she at least got married, it would be a step in the right direction. It is hard because our mother was/is similar to that and in many cases, children follow in their parents' footsteps. It has become a "norm" for people in my family and I (interestingly enough) am the "weird" one. It has been hard to relate to them on that level, but being here at school and actually being educated in these specific topics has educated and continued to reassure that I personally am making the right decisions.

Love, true love!

This was fun to learn about the specific 4 types of love. It is so true. You have to have all four for this love (true or consemmate) to work. And this love should be reserved specifically for you spouse. Have a love for people but not all four. For an eternal companion you should have friendly love, parent child type love, romantic and unconditional love. And be very careful because sometimes what you think is love, isn't. You could have intimacy but lack the passion and commitment. Likewise, you can just have commitment and lack passion and intimacy. Levels will change but it is so vital and important that we work on each one individually and make sure the other person knows (tell him or her at times), and show as well at appropriate times and situations. We must rise above what "animals" do. We are so much more than that. Choose who you love and love who you choose.

Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe

This was yet another fun topic, especially for myself since I'm at a particular age in my life where this is important. How do each of us "pick" who we'll spend forever with? I always thought that opposites attract can work just as well as birds of a feather. I have come to learn other wise. Not saying that it wouldn't work, I know several couples that have been married 30 plus years and couldn't be more different. However, similarities seem to be a bit more easy and you're already gonna have some differences when you get married, why add on to that? I personally have taken a step back and actually think about how I portray myself and what exactly I want and what is needed in an eternal companion. The formula for intimacy was great as well and I will totally use that when I am getting to know (truly know) someone better. Three months is a great start and it is so true about patterns. Even the most reserved individuals will begin to show their "true colors" after this amount of time. I know first hand. But the more important thing here is for each of us to be the type of people we want to attract. We can't expect this really fancy dinner when we are selling cheap hamburgers. If I want great quality, I need to not only portray but we great quality myself.

A third gender?

When we talked about people that considered themselves to be gay and actually had more evidence I was quite taken back. I'm sure most if not all of us either have friends or family members that struggle with this particular situation. In some cases, someone listening and showing them that they are valued and loved can make all the difference in the world. It was also nice for me to learn that isn't even about sex, but rather feeling intimacy (and that's on all levels and aspects of a person's life). It is so important to not experiment and to stop the behavior and help them to "see" physically and spiritually that what they think leads to what they feel. And above all  and most importantly to keep in mind who God sees you as.

Too different or too alike?

That was a fun time talking about the differences (and in some cases, similarities) between the sexes. A few things I had a good idea about but some I didn't like men see in spatial (East to West) and women navigating with landmarks (a park). It is nice to know that there is beauty and power in the differences between men and women. Someone in class said "if you and I are the same, one of us isn't necessary." That is so true. Instead of fighting or trying to change or figure out why there are differences, let's embrace them and enjoy them. The best thing that can be done is to combine forces, if you will, so we can battle all things or learn so much more than we could have on our own.

Researchers say....

I personally found a lot of interest in the day we talked about the different types of research and how it is obtained and what is done with that information. I personally worked at a survey place for 2 years and I know all the different types of research and how difficult it can be to give them and to get correct information from a number of homes, including different ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation, even how much one may make a year and their education level. Also, observation in natural habitats are pretty accurate in given the best information about an individual or family unit. Interviews (known and unknown) also is another good way to have people share about their lifestyles and value system. It was also fun to have a visual of how specifically Mexican families work. How one thing can change the family forever, for good or for bad.

Family Systems

Sorry! I am not the best at posting stuff! I love how in a family system, every member plays a role, and not only that but on many occasions, the roles may need to change and adapt depending on the situation. I also loved learning about the different types of boundaries that families can have. I think that is so interesting how we act around certain people and what type of boundary we tend to automatically give to each person, and when a boundary is broken we just "know it". Ideally, in a healthy relationship, we'd have permeable boundaries, but even in a spousal relationship it may be too open or not open enough. And working on the family systems project was awesome. It would be a great idea to do something like that as a family every few years I think. There are so many things you can do and what a good opportunity to grow closer as a family unit.

Human thermostat and circle

I love object lessons! Not only did we learn about homeostasis in families, we were able to see how it would literally work within the family. When one individual gets "pulled" one way, the other family members need to adjust to make it work. I also thought that showing a brief therapy session was great. I got to see Brother Williams in his element and how things played out so well, it was like watching a cool dance or play, seeing how one thing effects another (systems). I also enjoyed the idea of reconstructing the families, putting moms and dads as equals, while focusing on the children, as it should be. Another topic of interest to me was the types of boundaries one family may have over another. I have become more aware of what some of my friends families do and what mine does (or in some cases, doesn't do). It's fun to see young children especially as well that "just know" what is expected of them. It kind of makes me wonder then if all they know is learned behaviors or born with some ideas or feelings, just enhanced later? hmmm... Whatever the case, it's fun stuff!

Family or not family? That is the question!

There are so many factors involved with the family as a whole. Before this class I kind of looked at a few of these things as black and white. You either did or you didn't, there wasn't too much in between. Little did I know there are not only greys, but pinks and greens and everything in between when it comes to the trends, the myths, what is right for each person, the list goes on. I've already had the opportunity of taking a few other family classes, so I thought I had a pretty good understanding of what it all consists of. Boy, was I wrong! And it is so nice to be gaining so much more insight in just one class alone. I enjoyed last class in particular thus far, the demographics mattering. I had no idea just how it would effect as many people (and their families) as it does. So we know it effects us (through big or small ways,but it does), now I'm excited to hear what are our solutions to these issues are going to be. And not just out there either, I'm talking in the classroom, starting with each individual person...